Augusten Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Augusten
Augusten Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Augusten quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child.
— Augusten Burroughs
How could something have no end, and if it had no end exactly where did it leave us?
— Augusten Burroughs
There's never a false note in a Berg novel.
— Augusten Burroughs
You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy over brownies.
— Augusten Burroughs
It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then?
— Augusten Burroughs
Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road.
— Augusten Burroughs
I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror
— Augusten Burroughs
Didn't every new thing you did become a part of you, one of your bricks?
— Augusten Burroughs
I discovered the bleeding when he licked my hand and left a swath of blood behind, death's autograph.
— Augusten Burroughs
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.
— Augusten Burroughs
This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth: you get splinters later on.
— Augusten Burroughs
It's neat how money smells nothing like anything in the world except money, just like cardboard.
— Augusten Burroughs
I made very good money and spent all of it every week. I lived paycheck to paycheck ...
— Augusten Burroughs
And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper.
— Augusten Burroughs
I slipped on a turtleneck, laughing when my head became stuck in the turtle part. If they weren't called turtlenecks, I wouldn't have worn them.
— Augusten Burroughs
Even when we lose an arm or a leg, there's not less of us but more. Human experience weighs more than human tissue.
— Augusten Burroughs
My subconscious does the writing; I don't have control over that.
— Augusten Burroughs
He's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me.
— Augusten Burroughs
Hope and God were buddies. Theirs was not a formal relationship steeped in ritual and tradition. It was more of a close yet casual friendship.
— Augusten Burroughs
I am tired from having lived seventeen different lives, compressed into the space of one.
— Augusten Burroughs
Because all of us are made not only of what we have but what we lost. And loss is not a subtraction. As an experience, it is an addition.
— Augusten Burroughs
We're all going to die eventually so why not have some fun.
— Augusten Burroughs
I think you're healthy in certain ways, and I think you're a pathetic disaster in others.
— Augusten Burroughs
If you hate your life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and it doesn't fit you.
— Augusten Burroughs
Like somebody who was just happy because there was macaroni and cheese in the world.
— Augusten Burroughs
My thoughts seem thick, ketchup stuck in a bottle. Like trying to feel someone's face while wearing goosedown mittens.
— Augusten Burroughs
The horrible thing about being sober is you lose your excuse for being so fucked up.
— Augusten Burroughs
I suppose home is, for me, more of a state of mind. It's really more of about being where I want to be with people I care about.
— Augusten Burroughs
I'm always prepared for the worst.
— Augusten Burroughs
Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk.
— Augusten Burroughs
You weren't heavy at all ... the only weight you carry is on your shoulders. I wish I could carry it for you.
— Augusten Burroughs
Despite evidence to the contrary, I hated drinking to the point that I misplaced really big slabs of time.
— Augusten Burroughs
I did not consider him to be any kind of a genius. I considered him deeply lacking in the area that mattered most in life. Star quality.
— Augusten Burroughs
We tried to everything right, now we were forced to do everything wrong and it was working.
— Augusten Burroughs
It turned out I had always been a smoker. I just hadn't had any cigarettes.
— Augusten Burroughs
Applause is a constant thing in AA. It's how we buy drinks for each other.
— Augusten Burroughs
If you loathe your job, the situation is improved if you can do it in your underwear. Drunk.
— Augusten Burroughs
How many of the things I fear or dread are actually things that I want?
— Augusten Burroughs
I understand why sometimes people speak in cliches because sometimes there is no other way to describe something.
— Augusten Burroughs
My window fogs and this makes me feel like there is no world outside of the car.
— Augusten Burroughs
![Augusten Quotes By Augusten Burroughs: [My brother] shaped my young life. First, he](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/augusten-quotes-by-augusten-burroughs-877092.jpg "Augusten Quotes By Augusten Burroughs: [My brother] shaped my young life. First, he")
[My brother] shaped my young life. First, he taught me how to walk. Then, armed with sticks and dead snakes, he chased me and I learned how to run.
— Augusten Burroughs
I thought, This is how it feels inside the right decision.
— Augusten Burroughs
A big, friendly-looking man approaches me. "Hey, I'm Bobby," he says with a thick Baltimore accent, " ... and I'm an alcoholic.
— Augusten Burroughs
You know, American alcoholics are pretty fucking hard to insult.
— Augusten Burroughs
Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep. But he was really good at giving head. — Augusten Burroughs
If willpower is required to achieve this goal, that's how you know you don't want it enough on a deep, organic level. Mechanical
— Augusten Burroughs
Where there is nothing, absolutely anything is possible.
— Augusten Burroughs
We did not pass one other Mercury Merkur XR4Ti the entire way.
— Augusten Burroughs
Awe, I discovered, was my favorite feeling. It was a rare experience, but when it happened, it was like an orgasm for the mind.
— Augusten Burroughs
The unfairness of your current status is unimportant. What matters is, can you do what you need to do? If
— Augusten Burroughs
He was furious that the music house wanted forty grand. He wanted us to Jew them down
— Augusten Burroughs
She was a rare psychotic-confessional-poet strain of salmonella.
— Augusten Burroughs
When you have a blueprint for what happiness is, lay it over your life and see what you need to change so the images are more aligned.
— Augusten Burroughs
I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.
— Augusten Burroughs
And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany.
— Augusten Burroughs
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
— Augusten Burroughs
I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead
— Augusten Burroughs
So if you think the job really suits you, be you.
— Augusten Burroughs
Your mind is like an unsafe neighborhood; don't go there alone.
— Augusten Burroughs
You manufacture beauty with your mind
— Augusten Burroughs
Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white, PTA-meeting normal.
— Augusten Burroughs
I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend.
— Augusten Burroughs
The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat.
— Augusten Burroughs
You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.
— Augusten Burroughs
His laugh is made of porch swings and lemonade.
— Augusten Burroughs
You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind.
— Augusten Burroughs
In spouse, I mostly hear "S.mouse," the name of Chris Lilley's blackface teenage rapper in Angry Boys. And
— Augusten Burroughs
Nobody's trying to kill you, Deirdre. You're killing yourself.
— Augusten Burroughs
His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade
— Augusten Burroughs
If you hate life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and doesn't fit you.
— Augusten Burroughs
I remember, no matter how impossible it seemed that any given day would end, it always did. This one would, too.
— Augusten Burroughs
I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show.
— Augusten Burroughs
Loss creates a greater overall surface area within a person. You expand as a result of it. Though it may very well feel like the opposite.
— Augusten Burroughs
I always tried to learn Greek, but all I got out of it was, "poulaki mou." ["My little chicken."]
— Augusten Burroughs
But I am not here ironically; I am here sincerely.
— Augusten Burroughs
Being an unhappy person does not mean you must be sad or dark. You can be interested instead of happy. You can be fascinated instead of happy.
— Augusten Burroughs
There are times in life when logic and reason and probability must be recognized, but then ignored.
— Augusten Burroughs
Memorization is not the same as remembering.
— Augusten Burroughs
I never listen to music when I write.
— Augusten Burroughs
Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
— Augusten Burroughs
My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron.
— Augusten Burroughs
Will I end up in Hell along with the Hamburger Helping Hand, Joe Camel and Wendy, the Snapple Lady?
— Augusten Burroughs
And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.
— Augusten Burroughs
Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.
— Augusten Burroughs
Perfectionism is the satin-lined casket of creativity and originality. If
— Augusten Burroughs
The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving it.
— Augusten Burroughs
Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.
— Augusten Burroughs
Being busy is not the same as being focused. Being focused means being here.
— Augusten Burroughs
And she's a nurse. do you know how hard nursing school is? it's like medical school. so she's obviously smart.
— Augusten Burroughs
Other people sound flat to my ear; their words just hang in the air. But when my mother says something, the ends curl.
— Augusten Burroughs
I knew that he was as reliable as a mathematical formula.
— Augusten Burroughs
All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know.
— Augusten Burroughs
Handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.
— Augusten Burroughs
It was so extraordinarily out of the ordinary.
— Augusten Burroughs
I wouldn't want to waste any of my brain cells on forgiving if it's holding me back.
— Augusten Burroughs
At that moment it would have been easier for me to spontaneously grasp quantum string theory
— Augusten Burroughs
Signs with missing letters can only mean bad things.
— Augusten Burroughs
People believe in god because they can't think to be alone.
— Augusten Burroughs
