Adult Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Adult Humor

Adult Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Adult Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie. — Carmen Jenner

They say opposites attract. Nobody ever said opposites live happily ever after. — Linda Morris

The beaded purple top scooped low, showing off quite a bit of cleavage. And by quite a bit, I mean holy hell balls, that's a lot of boobage. — Cindi Madsen

Anyone that looked like that wouldn't need to tie up girls and imprison them in order to get them to marry him — Cassandra Clare

I'm a fool.
At least i'm a self aware fool. — Colleen Hoover

For everyone knows that a girl cannot live on chicken cordon blue alone. — Lindsay Eland

Adam mused, "Incorruptus. I never thought anyone would use that word to describe Lynch." Ronan looked as pleased as a pit viper ever could. — Maggie Stiefvater

When the mind is free, magic happens. — C.G. Rousing

Nick's eyes widened as a total state of befuddled huh possessed him. Was he in the
Twilight Zone? — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I've always found wildlife very calming
except when animals are eating each other, of course. — Tom Upton

The dining hall in our section of campus was like something out of an Ayn Rand novel: big, utilitarian, and impersonal. — Kirstie Collins Brote

She glared at me. I didn't care. One word was playing a loop in my heaad: mine. — Kristen Callihan

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet. — Jefferson Smith

This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."
I frowned, "What's that?"
"Homework. — Richelle Mead

Other than the voices in my head, I think I'm pretty normal. — Tom Upton

Sometimes i pretend to be childish just for some shits! — Kimmy

Eventually, you're gonna have to let someone in. — Cassia Leo

It's like a jolt of electricity, but worse. — Lee Davidson

Were the stars against him? A woman's fingers are quicker in the sky and shine more brightly. — Graham Spaid

I'd said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass. — Richelle Mead

someone like Grace. Someone exactly like Grace, with her Ted Bundy rants
and her calming presence and - hello, irony. — Elle Kennedy

He gives new meaning to the word bombed. — Lee Davidson

I'm not cute...I'm dangerous. — Tish Thawer

My memories came back like a punch in the face. Only good. — Lee Davidson

His eyes are a hazy swirl of
gray, like a thick mass of clouds gathering before an impending storm — Elle Kennedy

You look like a corgi — Stephanie Perkins

When life hands you lemons sometimes you just have to say screw the lemons, and bail. — Magan Vernon

Strange though, I never took you for a nympho. — Eve Masters

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but the head cut her off. — Brandon Mull

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa. — Ricky Gervais

She's a girl after my own heart. Food first, conversation later. — Kelly Risser

"Well
I don't know
the cops might not respond too well to you looking through their windows with a telescope."
— Tom Upton

How do you explain plastic to a medieval forest bard? — Jefferson Smith

Still, it's really frustrating me that there doesn't seem to be anything in my closet that's appropriate to wear to an exorcism. — Paige McKenzie

You cats mind if I make it a trio?' he asked me, and it was not a huge surprise that a dude of his appearance was speaking in Jazz Voice. — Jesse Andrews

Watch it, loincloth, I'm not afraid to spork your eyes out. — Magan Vernon

I loved the feeling of finally falling in love to someone who would love me back. — Kristine Cuevas

I'd rather be known as a freak than a science project. — B. Mauritz

Librarians are notorious snitches - don't let anybody convince you otherwise. — Tom Upton

Trust me,' he says with a touch of impatience.
'Stop asking me to do that,' I say, equally as impatiently. — Sarah Alderson

It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum! We made it to Hollywood, time to give these aliens the golden boot!" - Angel from the Thousand Years War — Angel Ramon Medina

Are you going to give her gonorrhea too, or was that gift just for me? — Cassia Leo

The Female Orgasm. The Big O. That elusive, reclusive Loch Ness of the labia. Does it prove the existence of God, or just His twisted sense of humor? — Kirstie Collins Brote

No, dude. I told you, we're not crazy. — Natasha Larry

By the way, your clothes look so damn hot on you, but I've got a feeling they'll look even better on my bedroom floor later. — Kirsty Moseley

Teeth were created to be shown. — Lydhia Marie

I didn't want to go to hell, but even the idea of reclaining my halo scared me because it would mean leaving Aly. — Terri Clark

When I look at my bookcase and see the books upon the shelves, I think to myself, There is a God. — Sully Tarnish

The ability for anyone in our generation to self-amuse has sadly been bred out of our species. — Kim Askew

The marks we leave are too often scars. — John Green

What are you going to fill it with?" she asks. "Holy water or something?"
"Probably Dasani," Thomas replies. — Kendare Blake

He's a he. I mean he's a guy. He's your mate. Oh my God you're gay!" Aleks exclaimed. Liam slapped himself on the forehead. — Alanea Alder

I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy. — E.J. Stevens

I guess if you get too close, the twinkling stops; they don't look like stars anymore. — Graham Spaid

I'm beginning to think that if you're going to have a role model you should probably pick someone who's already dead so they can't disappoint you. — Dyan Sheldon

I don't know. I don't understand how boys think. If I knew that I'd be a millionare. — Magan Vernon

In any case, it's the cowardice of people like you who give dictators the chance to install themselves! — Marjane Satrapi

Oh, I don't mean to infer that you're not a great guy. I'm sure you're the exception to the rule. — Jaye Frances

Dead yet?" Gus answered.
I smirked. "Not yet, but the night's still young."
"Here's hoping. — Jessica Shirvington

Your problem is a serious lack of imagination. You can't imagine being different than you are. — Linda Morris

Oh my!! How you've grown. Soon you'll be catching the Lord's balls. — Marjane Satrapi

You know what they say,' Suz had texted. 'Once you go geek, you never go back. — Linda Morris

Don't bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It's disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses. — Rainbow Rowell

And all those things you listed right now, they're
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don't want me. You want me and
Garrett. — Elle Kennedy

It could have been worse. He could have said he wasn't a 'dessert person' and then I would have been forced to jump out of a moving car. — Saba Kapur

Then maybe you'll believe me when I say ... you're pretty fucking special, Laney Hill. — Cassia Leo

Treasure the beauty of youthful life and the wisdom of adulthood. — Lailah Gifty Akita

This is why I keep telling Ash to get you a cat or a bird. Guns aren't proper pets. — Andrea Cremer

It's like a jolt of electric, but worse. — Lee Davidson

Are you here for a reason, Cheshire?

Why, yes, I would enjoy a cup of tea. I take mine with lots of cream, and no tea. Thank you. — Marissa Meyer

How can you love someone who doesn't think they deserve to be loved? — Cassia Leo

I have never been reduced to begging somebody to leave me alone, but in your case I'll make an exception. — Tom Upton

Oh for craps sake. You're not dying again, are you? It's seriously inconvenient when you do that. -Aphrodite — P.C. Cast

Who in their right mind counts the tiles on the floor when they go visiting a neighbor?
— Tom Upton

I envisioned him tied in a chair, an iron arrow pointed at his brow. Ah, the power of positive thinking. — Red Tash

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. — Jefferson Smith

The only thing altruism will get you here is a boot stomping on your head. — Henry Mosquera

Next! The taller of the guys at the door called. Saved by the yell. — Magan Vernon

Dude, it's mind control. That's got to be the best superpower ever! — Lee Davidson

And just as I thought that my happy ending was beginning, it had to end so soon even though it hadn't started yet. — Kristine Cuevas

I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last. — Flora Roberts

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. — Cassia Leo

Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that? — Jefferson Smith

Life is much simpler if you don't notice anything ... — Tom Upton

They just want to be part of the moment. A moment that's much larger than them, and even larger than us. — Goldy Moldavsky

My heart battered against my ribs, my breath stalled and I gazed up into his laughing, smiling eyes ... eyes that suddently glowed crimson and cruel. — Terri Clark

Say yes, Jordan," he said, shifting closer.
"No," I said.
Owen smiled. "Close enough." And then he kissed me. — Eli Easton

You really are Captain Oblivious. — Lee Davidson

How would you like to star in your very own commercial?"
"I'd rather swim in battery acid. — Robin Benway

You know you're officially an adult when you finally understand WHY Miss Hannigan was drinking bath water. — Christy Hall

This is the Rock, sweetheart," the owner added. "There's no tragedy you can't profit from. — Henry Mosquera

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs. — Jefferson Smith

Fair enough ... No inhaling battery acid," I smirk. "We can't breathe battery
acid, can we? — M.A. George

Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me. — Stacey Marie Brown

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I'm being judged. — Tom Upton

I had learned that you should always shout louder than your aggressor. — Marjane Satrapi

The balanced adult retains an inner child. The secret is to know when to put him away. — Anthony North

Well, of course. But, we already knew that. I mean ... I am kind of a big deal-Matt Carter — Natasha Larry

I don't have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross. — A.S. King