Allie Brosh quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Allie Brosh on Wise Famous Quotes.

On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children.

IT'S HARD not pushing people and not throwing sand at them.

I couldn't even muster the enthusiasm to hate myself anymore.

I prepare for my new life as an adult like some people prepare for the apocalypse. The first day or two of my plans usually goes okay.

I don't just want to do the right thing. I want to WANT to do the right thing.

Be an unsinkable ship.' Basically, making yourself seaworthy is easier than trying to control the sea.

It's so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something

There I was, casually wishing that I could stop existing in the same way you'd want to leave an empty room or mute an unbearably repetitive noise.

And that's how I got to go to a birthday party while very heavily sedated.

I had always viewed feelings as a weakness - annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself.

LOOK AT MEEE LOOK I own all the bananas now. Give me a dollar. Fuck you. Help me.

I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life.

Dear 25 year old [note: not "Dear 25-year-old me" or "Dear 25-year-old self," just "Dear 25 year old"],

YOU R sO bRUEtifUL...
how R U so BRUTEfUL and good?

I was a god - the god of cake - and I was unstoppable.

You lazy, floor banana motherf*****

I am incensed that reality has the audacity to do some of the things it does when I CLEARLY don't want those things to happen.

The absurdity of working so hard to continue doing something you don't like can be overwhelming.

You aren't allowed to decide because you are really bad at making decisions.

Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese.

I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse.

But, against all odds, my gigantic ego continues to attempt greatness.

I had spent my last feeling being disappointed that I couldn't rent Jumanji. (...) And thus began a tiny rebelion.

Cake is the only thing that matters.

For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it.

Because I can see the future and I know what will happen if I let you play with the lawn mower.

It wants to focus on being a good person, not just a barely not horrible one.

By now, I'm sure you can see that most of the things you want are stupid and most of the decisions you make are bad.

It's a strange moment when you realize that you don't want to be alive anymore.

Reality should follow through on what I think it is going to do.

No one could tell me not to eat an entire cake - not my mom, not Santa, not God - no one. It was my cake and everyone else could go fuck themselves.

Being a good person is a very important part of my identity, but being a genuinely good person is time-consuming and complicated.

How am I supposed to like myself if all these shitty things keep happening because I do them???

It's disappointing to feel sad for no reason. Sadness can be almost pleasantly indulgent when you have a way to justify it.

To reiterate, no matter how much pepper you eat, it won't undo the ludicrous amount of salt you ate before it.

Fortunately, it turns out that being scared of yourself is a somewhat effective motivational technique.

Not giving a fuck and not being able to give a fuck.